At last some relief

The pain meds that I've been taking are becoming less and less effective at managing the pain, especially at night when it is at its peak.  After discussing alternatives with my doctor back and forth via email (ain't technology great), he suggested that I try morphine to help control the pain.

For some reason, that hit me in a strange, scary way.  To me, morphine is a dangerous and addictive drug that was used to provide pain relief during the Civil War. It is something that they give to sick people.  Yes, my doctor confirmed, reminding me that I am sick with a mass in my vertebra causing significant pain.  That's what the drug is designed to treat.

A bottle of morphine looks no different than a bottle of aspirin or Tylenol, except the pills are a little smaller, almost non-descript.  I carefully read all of the warning labels and side effects, noting that mixing the medication can cause very serious reactions.  Goodbye to my nightly mixed drink for now.

Almost like clockwork, the stabbing pain started around 7 or 8 PM.  I nervously opened the bottle and took a pill along with a cold glass of water.  And slowly, over the course of the next 30 or 45 minutes, the pain melted away.  I sat on the couch and closed my eyes, drifting off into a deep and restful sleep - the first in months.

I can't find any note that morphine causes insomnia, in fact drowsiness is one of the biggest side effects.  However I only slept for a few hours before waking up and moving to the bedroom.  Although still pain free, I tossed and turned as the minutes turned to hours without falling back to sleep.  It's ironic to finally be comfortable enough to sleep but unable to succumb.  I thought maybe typing this out to catch up on this blog would help so at 4:30 AM, I'll close the laptop and try again.